Welcome to Megaplex's monthly newsletter alerting you, the Sandton shopper, to all that is new, fresh, and exciting in Benmore Gardens, Bryanston, Gallo Manor, Morningside, Morningside Manor, Petervale, Rivonia, Wendywood, Woodmead and, now, Sunninghill! Please feel free to support our advertisers! To subscribe, see our subscription page.
Are you happy with the state of our "World-Class" city? Over R870-million on a billing system (Project Phakama) that produces 80,000 wrong accounts, originally awarded to a newly-formed BEE company (Masana Technologies) whose directors were employees of the City at the time. A Mayor and majority party in denial. Private companies have to provide pointsmen and fix potholes because the City won't. Traffic lights are out constantly. The city can not afford a web page for Ernest Ullmann Park, but it can give huge performance bonuses to non-performing CEOs and splurge on advertisements. You can think of many more.
Yet there are places where things work. The equivalent SAP billing system in the Cape Town municipality cost R350-million, and works. The Department of Co-operative Governance and Traditional Affairs named Baviaans, the only DA-run municipality in the Eastern Cape, as the best for service delivery in that province. Baviaans also won the award for best revenue collector in the Eastern Cape. The only DA-run municipality in Gauteng, Midvaal, is consistently top of our province for service delivery. This year, Midvaal received its 8th unqualified audit in ten years. Last year it was ranked number one in the province in the annual "quality of life" survey. The success of DA municipalities in the Western Cape is legendary.
There is a municipal election on 18 May. If you like things as they are, please vote ANC. If you don't, vote for the party that has a track record of fixing things. But just voting is not enough: It is important to work for change and encourage others to vote for it. The numbers show that a concerted effort can win Johannesburg for the DA: We have only ourselves to blame if we get another 5 years of mismanagement!
Visit the DA table at Bryanston Shopping Centre on Saturday, 2nd April between 10:00 and 12:00, and at Benmore Gardens on 16 April.
"I'm starting to take an interest in sport". "Really? Which one?" "Locust." "Never heard of it!"
"Hmm, maybe I've got it wrong... Grasshopper?" "No, that's a brand of shoes!"
"Come on, you must know it: Played with a bat and ball, named after an insect... Cockroach?"
"Oh, you mean Cricket!"
New, Movers and Shakers Back to top
Banks to Charge More on 1 April Back to top
The trend for South African banks to charge for everything continues with the recent announcement, not widely reported in the press, that from tomorrow the "big four" banks will charge customers to breathe in their branches. A spokesman justified this by saying, "Look, we have to pay for air-conditioning. Eskom and City Power tariffs have gone up substantially: Do people think clean air grows in trees? If they want free air, they can use the ATMs outside and breathe Johannesburg's World Class smog."
From April ABSA, FNB, Nedbank and Standard Bank will issue time-stamped tickets as people enter. On exit, an "air fee" will be conveniently deducted from the customer's account for the time spent in the branch. Those without accounts may pay by credit card or in cash. People who bring their own breathing apparatus and air supply will be exempt (scuba shops are reporting brisk business).
Fees have initially been set at what the spokesman called "a ridiculously low 10c a minute. We don't want to scare people away initially. Once they are used to the idea, we'll start really fleecing them."
The good news for consumers is that there are already signs of price wars between the banks: ABSA is, for tomorrow only between 10:00 and 12:00 offering "half-price air time", and Nedbank has countered with "Breathe Free Fridays". Capitec Bank will not follow suit. Their Morning Glen manager told this newsletter, "We think it is crazy what other banks charge for. Not only do we have the lowest fees, we also charge for fewer services. The public is welcome to come and breathe gratis in our branches, which by the way also stay open the longest."
What if he'd asked for Cottage Pie?
Julius had a problem at the restaurant. He called the waiter over:
"Waiter, there's no chicken in this chicken pie!"
"There are no shepherds in the shepherds pie, either, sir."
The Gone Dogs Back to top
"Passport to Dance" Show this Saturday Back to top
Jenny Rahme's Dancing Academy, based at the Ullmann Park Recreation Centre, is putting on a Musical Production called "Passport to Dance".
Step on board a non-stop flight to dances around the world on Saturday 2 April 2011 at the Victory Theatre, corner of Louis Botha Avenue and Osborn Street, Orange Grove/Houghton. There are over 200 students involved and there will be various guest Studios performing as well. Jenny says it's a show NOT TO BE MISSED!!! (her caps and exclamation marks)
There will be 2 shows: 11:00 and 15:00, each about 2½ hours including interval. Tickets are R100 each and are available from Jenny 082 559 6355 or Krystal 083 710 4244.
Rumour Mill Back to top
Rivonia Square is under new management: We hope JHI will make a difference. The property managers say there is no truth in the rumour that the shopping centre as such is closing and that it is being made into an educational facility. They are in the process of placing and negotiating with a number of retail tenants. We wish them well.
Mother and daughter were shopping, and the mother saw an expensive fur coat. “This year,” she said, “I think I will buy my present instead of letting you and dad shop for me. And this fur coat would be perfect.”
“But mom," the daughter protested, "some poor, helpless creature suffered so that you can have this.”
“Don’t worry dear,” says the mother, “your father should be used to it by now.”
Your name in print! Would you like to contribute a shop- or restaurant review, a joke, or something else for this Newsletter? Please e-mail us. You will get full credit (unless you want anonymity). Reach more than 2050 shoppers and shop-owners: Advertise in this newsletter! Editor: Rick Raubenheimer.